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6:49 a.m. - 2004-07-01

BOB SEGER LIVES!

So last night I get to work, get organized, start the music up and get on the microphone.

"Good evening everyone and welcome to the club. My name's the Right Reverend Uncle Bob and if you've got a request, please bring it up to the booth. I love requests. I live for requests. I like to rent hotel rooms and discretely caress and make mad passionate love to requests. So feel free to give me some."

And with that, I commence ignoring the crowd because I only say that shit to cover my ass. I could care less if people have requests or not. I play what I want and what I know they want.

A guy sitting near the other end of the room yells out "BOB SEGER!!"

I give the crowd a thumbs-up because I have no idea who yelled it.

I play "Night Moves" next.

Halfway through the song, I hear it again.

"BOB SEGERRRRRR!!!"

I follow up "Night Moves" with "Fire Lake".

Next I played some Eagles song or some shit.

Halfway through the Eagles song I hear "BOOOOOOOB SEEEEEEEEEGERRRRRRRR!!!"

I put on that goddamned "Turn The Page" song which I have hated ever since I first heard the song almost 30 years ago but which has somehow managed to connect with drunken bar customers worldwide.

Toward the end of the song I hear "BAWWWWWWWWB SEEEEGERRRRRR!!!"

Okay.

I get it.

We've got a Bob Seger fan amongst us.

I got on the microphone and reminded everyone that if they had a request to bring it to the DJ booth. I didn't feel like saying "Quit yelling Bob Seger every three minutes, asshole."

"BAWWWWWB SEEEEGERRRR!!"

Son of a bitch.

I checked all of my nerves and there was only one nerve left that he hadn't gotten on.

"BAWWWWWB SEEEEGERRRR!"

Check that. The last nerve had now been violated.

I ended up playing every single Bob Seger song I had with me which was about 15 songs because this obnoxious anonymous asshole kept it up all. Night. Long.

At the end of the night, I made last call and closed down the system.

I packed my stuff up and headed for the door.

This little pipsqueak of a guy gives me a thumbs up and says "Thanks for playing the Seger".

This little gimpy pusswad was the guy hollering for Seger all night?!?

Jesus God Almighty. This guy would have trouble defending himself against a little girl with palsy.

I was so shocked, I just flashed him a fake smile and kept walking.

I was expecting a barroom brawler and I got Radar O'Reilly.

It just goes to show you ... well ... actually it goes to show you shit. There's no lesson to be learned here.

Except if you holler your ass off at me for five hours straight, I'll write about you the next morning.

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