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7:39 a.m. - 2005-01-11

THE NEW STYLE


I'm going to drop a little science on you kids today.

Proven fact: If you are into a certain type of music, that's fine. But there's absolutely positively NO NEED for you to have to LIVE that type of music.

Because apparently goth music is still alive and well in Alabama for at least one guy. Or girl. I couldn't tell which.

I stopped by a doctor's office yesterday to hang out, shoot the shit and pick up some urine because ... well ... that's ultimately the reason I'm there.

In the waiting room was this kid with jet black hair that was teased about two feet above his head.

He was wearing mascara, lipstick and white face powder so he looked like a demonic clown.

Here ... here's a sanitized version of the kid. This guy is obviously a poser and not a real goth kid but the kid I saw was for real, senorita.

Now seriously ... there's no need for anybody to be that damned weird-looking and walk around in real life.

Those of us with half a brain know why you're doing it ... you're doing it for attention because you have low self-esteem and hiding behind this mask of makeup not only shows the world that "Dammit! I like the Cure still!" but that you have no confidence in yourself and without all this crap on your face and body, you're just some schlub that nobody would give the time of day to.

Same for you gangsta wannabe thugs who listen to Snoop Dogg and wear your hat half-cocked on your head with the price tag still attached and your boxers up to your chest while your pants drag the ground.

You're not impressing anyone. In fact, we're all laughing at you behind your backs.

Susie says that if a kid walks into her work looking for a job and she can see his boxers, she KNOWS she isn't hiring them. Because if an idiot shows up for a job interview with his underwear hiked up above his waist line, he's going to dress like that for work.

It's time you kids stop looking like dumbasses and dress more like me.

(That's me stylin' on the left, Mattie Gee profilin' on the right and one of our wack-assed bizzitches in the middle)

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