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6:10 a.m. - 2001-08-26

YOUR TYPICAL BORING WEEKEND

Hey you.

Short entry because there really isn't a whole lot to say about this weekend. Very non-eventful...which is good, that's how I like my weekends for the most part.

Friday night, we're sitting around the house, trying to decided what to eat for dinner.

We decided on pot pies.

Now how much more non-eventful can you get?? Pot pies on Friday night??

Saturday we both woke up thinking "Okay...we're going to get a LOT of work done today!"

...We made the bed.

Ta-daaaaaaaaaa!!!

Day's over, dude!

Alright...so that wasn't everything.

Andy got some Play-Doh at his birthday party the other day. Since he's not really into Play-Doh if he can't eat it, I decided to become the new Tim Burton and made a little movie with his Play-Doh.

I called it..."The Amazing Growing Play-Doh", keeping with the whole "non-eventful" theme of the weekend.

I put the Play-Doh on the kitchen table, positioned the camcorder at the end of the table and molded it, filming one second of it and then molding it again, filming one second of it...etc.

The "film" is 13 seconds long and truly amazing. The Play-Doh grows about an inch, slowly topples over...and then magically stands itself back up again!!

Whoooohoooooo!!

Hollywood, here I come!

...Ummmm...yeah.


Since we needed some groceries, I volunteered to go get them myself, since it was 1 p.m. and I was the only one in the house who had tended to personal hygenic matters.

...Meaning Susie still hadn't showered and Andy was covered in Processed Pear crust.

I went to the store where I got TWO compliments on my attire, which pretty much made me feel a whole lot better after struggling through the painful memories of The Flag Suit earlier in the day.

I was wearing my "Dad" t-shirt which consists of the word "Dad" on top and then a crude stick figure of a man with the words "Cool", "Fun to play with", "Arms to hang on" and "Legs to chase" pointing out the various parts of the stick figure's body.

Some guy stocking stuff in the freezer was staring at me so I said "Hi" to him and he said "Oh. I was just admiring your shirt."

Oh. Well duh.

So we talked about our kids for a moment. He said his little boy is four and always wants Daddy to "Chase him".

My God.

I'll be lucky if I can even walk when my kid's four.

I've got some scary days ahead of me.

Then the cashier said she liked my shirt and we talked about our kids for a moment.

Sometimes I think I must be the world's proudest Daddy. I search for opportunities to talk about my kid at every turn.

He's really getting into opening up cabinets in the kitchen to see what's in there, which I KNOW is a "no-no" and the things should be child-proofed.

We have the child proof stuff. We just didn't get around to child proofing the cabinets yesterday.

Maybe today.


I grilled some pitifully thin steaks out last night. They were ribeyes and only about half an inch thick.

They were good, mind you. Just ... not your typical magnificent steakage material.

So I fixed steaks, baked potatoes, garlic bread, pasta salad and mushrooms sauteed in a cracked pepper and garlic sauce for a new flavor which we both liked.

I love garlic.

I've always loved garlic. When I was a kid, I put garlic salt on everything.

I think as a kid, it was the whole "Keep the vampires away" theory that made me embrace garlic so much.

I was really into monsters as a kid, but I was pretty scared of them too. So I slept with a crucifix on my nightstand and ate as much garlic as possible.

And it worked. Because no vampire has ever slipped into my bedroom at night and tried to suck my blood.

Laugh if you want...but it worked.


I made a really stupid mistake at work the other day.

When I arrived at work, about four employees were standing in the lobby, talking about finding two snakes in the office.

One was in a hallway right outside one girl's office. The other was out in a bigger lobby outside our office.

Both were small...maybe less than a foot long and harmless. But still...both snakes scared their share of ladies at the office.

Here's the dumb mistake I made.

I admitted to carrying around a dead snake for a week when I was in my teens.

True story...I was working at Opryland, a now-defunct amusement park in Nashville, Tennessee.

One day, I found a dead grass snake while walking through the park. I picked its lifeless body up and inspected it. It was clean, hadn't been run over, wasn't covered in bugs.

I deducted that it had died from a snake heart attack.

I decided to keep it as a dead pet and named it "Snakey".

I really only did this to freak people out and get attention. But I carried that snake in my pocket with me everywhere. I distinctly remember sitting down at a table full of my peers in the employee cafeteria, pulling Snakey out of my shirt pocket and placing him on the table in front of me as I ate.

This caused everyone at the table to get up and yell at me.

Pretty much the reaction I had wanted.

Finally, one of the bigger studs of my peer group realized that with me walking around, carrying a dead snake everywhere I went was hurting our chances of scoring on any women that summer. So he took Snakey away from me, threw him in the back of a big garbage truck and ran the garbage truck, which scooped Snakey up and put him with the rest of the trash inside the truck.

I had a short funeral for Snakey, throwing in some grass and dirt in the back of the garbage truck.

People thought I was strange then.

And now...my co-workers think I'm even stranger than they originally thought I was.

One co-worker asked me..."Why'd you carry a dead snake around?"

I told her I guess I did it for attention.

Nobody else had a dead snake called Snakey for a dead pet at the time.

So I did.

I think that ever since I was in my early teens, I always strived to be a bit different from the pack. I never really wanted to be rejected, but I wanted to be odd so that you never knew what I would do next.

I guess.

My dad always told me to be myself. Be unique. Don't fall in with a group and do everything they do.

I had a pierced ear in 1980 before most rock stars did. And way before any of my peers had pierced ears. I was regarded as a gay freak because of my pierced ear.

I quit wearing earrings in 1984 when everyone started wearing them.

I dunno.

Why am I talking about this crap?

Because it's been a very non-eventful weekend.

And it's just going to get more non-eventful today.

Cheerio lasses and lads.

I'm outtie.

Oh...I just saw that the young R&B singer Aaliyah died in a plane crash yesterday. She was only 22 years old. I knew nothing about her except she was in "Romeo Must Die". But I guess some of you guys knew her so ... wow. Sorry about your loss.

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