NEVER DOUBT THE BOB

I've had a few people today think that I was kidding about popping zits on your nose leading to brain damage. Luckily, the lovely Miss Dominiaset everyone straight with a sad tale on how her Great-grandmother died from popping a zit on her nose.

IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!

Don't let a few blemishes give you brain damage. For the love of God...don't pop the zits on the nose.

This is the closest thing to a public service announcement you'll ever get out of me.

Soooo...tonight NBC's "Ed" returns.

Which means my recaps for Mighty Big TV return.

Which means I've gotta start being humorous.

Which means I've gotta start druggin' and boozin' again.

Actually, I can do this sober. It shouldn't be a problem. I did several recaps sober last season.

Several.

Some.

A few.

Alright...I was fucking blotto the entire time I wrote every single recap that appeared on the damned site...IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?!?!

...Damned voices in my head. I'm going to HAVE to start charging them rent...

I'm looking forward to a new season of "Ed", but damn...for one hour I'm scribbling furiously and non-stop, writing down everything I can in a 60-minute period.

I used to stay up late on Wednesdays and finish the recap on Wednesday evening, just to have it under my belt so that my life could resume back to a somewhat state of normalcy.

Then...toward the end of last season, I started writing them on Saturday morning, which actually worked better for me and is something that I plan to do this year as well.

However, here's the clincher....you don't give a burning rat's ass when I write some silly recaps of a show that you don't watch, do you? You just want me to talk about my genitalia, don't you?

...You sick, sick bastards....

I had an interview with a guy today to talk about this project our city has where we're going to revitalize our downtown area with a bunch of new businesses on the banks of the river that runs through the city.

I didn't have the heart to tell the guy that this city would shatter his dreams faster than a visit from Freddy Krueger.

He wants to build a baseball stadium and is depending on the overused "Field of Dreams" line... "If you build it, they will come."

Last year, we had an extremely minor team play "pro" baseball here. It was kinda like the Bad News Bears grew up. The team was comprised of local high school coaches and people who played baseball in high school, but never got into a college or did anything with his life.

People came out to see the team and cheer them on, even though they lost more games than they won. I never went because I'm a fat bitter sonofabitch who'd rather sit at his computer and slam something he knows nothing about rather than to do actual research into a matter.

Anyway, they played in our "old" baseball stadium the entire season and drew about 2,000 people a night to the stadium. Which really isn't bad. Until you realize that we have about 230,000 people in the area and only 2,000 showed up.

That means 228,000 people DIDN'T show up.

Anyway, this guy wants a big new stadium built next to the river and says his dream could be a reality in a few years.

I really considered slapping him, hoping it would give him an inkling of common sense that would make him realize that people just don't want to fill stadiums to watch their neighbors lose baseball games.

But, I've made a new commitment to myself which says that no matter how badly I want to, I will refrain from slapping sense into people during an interview that I'm conducting.

Everyone's usually much happier with those rules. Well...I say everybody. I usually walk out of there steaming because I passed up the chance to wallop somebody good in the choppers.

Here's a list of new shows you should be watching on television, because I watch them and I'm a TV recapper dammit...I know of which I speak about...

* "Let's Bowl" Sunday nights on Comedy Central.

* "Undeclared" Tuesday nights on FOX.

* "Scrubs" Tuesday nights on NBC.

Dammit...I just think all three shows are hilarious and I just wanted to share that with you.

That's about all the time I have for this little charade. Lemme get back to work, you little urchins.