DON'T CALL ME JUNIOR, JUNIOR

Okay.

I don't have much time here because I have to meet the most evil boss on the face of this here planet, Wendigo and we are travelling to Georgia today to attend a meeting of a bunch of old men who want to reminisce about fighting in the civil war or something and then we have to come back and write several stories about what these men said.

I know ZILCH about the military. ZERO. NADA. I know more about what makes a female tick than I do the military and that's saying a lot, junior.

I've been calling people "Junior" a lot lately and have no idea why. I don't mean it in a derogatory fashion. I call my son "Junior" a lot now, even though he's not officially a junior although his middle name is my first name, so I guess he's half Junior.

When I was in the third grade, I was swimming in the pool at the Country Club in Elmwood, Illinois and splashing the little girls who lived across the street from me at the time. They were squealing and laughing as we were all having fun, it wasn't like I was bullying them or anything.

Their dad, a good friend of my parents, and still a good friend today, was seated nearby. He was also pretty drunk because that's how he went through life...drunk as hell. He came over to us and told me to "Knock it off, Junior" and to "Pick on someone my own size."

It frightened me because he was so angry with me. This was my next door neighbor, my dad's best friend and he was yelling at me like he wanted to kill me for splashing his daughters and just having fun in the pool.

It's been over 30 years since that happened, but I still remember it vividly.

How I hated being called Junior.

I wasn't even a Junior.

Maybe that's why I do it.

Welcome to my introspective self-analysis. Glad you could make it.

So anyway...gotta go to Georgia this morning which means I've gotta leave home about 90 minutes early, yet I got up at the same time as normal.

So something has to suffer.

And I choooooooooooooooooose.....this diary entry.

...Like that's news to you or something.

Hey.

Army peeps.

Need your help again.

Once again...the Army has grown too large and cumbersome. This is most evident in the fact that it just abruptly ends at the "Y"s.

Sooooo...if you wanna be a good Army member and have me forever in your debt, it's time to check out every diary whose name starts with the same letter as yours and let me know which diaries have not updated since April 1st of this year or before then.

If they've updated after that, that's fine. They're good to go.

Or if they've left some cryptic message that says "I'm quitting this diary because I'm all mysterious and shit and figure that if I quit this diary, Diaryland will have to shut down and my internet global domination will then be complete", lemme know about those too, and I'll yank them as well.

It's all poopy that I have to do this, because I'd LIKE to keep people in the Army list forever.

But each page will only hold so much information and I've gone past that limit with this one.

So be a dear, and if you have the time ... go through your letter's diaries, check the dates for me, keep a running list of who hasn't updated in the last two months and email me that list.

I might even send you nude pictures of me if you do.

Wait.

No I won't.

Christ.

What was I thinking?!?

I loaded up my 12 disc car changer with actual CDs for my two day road trip.

Wendigo and I go there today. Then I'm going by myself tomorrow.

So I put a buncha discs in that I haven't heard in a while that are sentimental favorites of mine.

They are... (like you care).....

Weezer "Maladroit" (okay, it's a new one...but I haven't heard it that much, haven't got any sentimental attachment to it, but thought it might be good to listen to on the road).

Fatboy Slim "Better Living Through Chemistry" (listened to on a road trip with Mattie Gee and Drunk Assed Jamie once...it rocked)

Cheap Trick at Budokan--The Complete Concert (Two disc set featuring the entire Budokan concert from 1978...it rawks)

Cheap Trick "Music For Hangovers" (another live disc...been into live Cheap Trick lately)

Alice Cooper Goes To Hell -- (I loved this disc when I was 14...have no idea if I'll like it now. Haven't listened to it in years)

Wilco "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" (My new favorite disc of the moment)

Elvis Costello "Imperial Bedroom" (One of my favorite discs of all time ... tons of memories behind it and some damned fine beautiful tunes here)

Swirl 360 "Ask Anybody" (These guys should have been HUGE and weren't. It's power-pop music at its finest, played by two twins that are so handsome I'd pork 'em)

Prodigy "The Fat of the Land" (Killer road trip techno music)

Beastie Boys "Hello Nasty" (Never really gave this disc much of a chance and can't say that I've listened to it all the way through. Just seemed like a good time to be listening to it)

Rolling Stones "Exile On Main Street" (Supposedly their finest hour. I've listened to it a few times and never really understood the appeal, but have been told that it eventually sinks in. May give it a shot to sink in as I travel the back roads of Alabama)

That's all the time I've got peeps. Peace out to your bad se'ves.