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5:37 a.m. - 2003-09-24


A simple word of advice ... do not smoke really good weed and then watch The Joe Schmo Show.

You'll end up getting all paranoid that your whole life is one big fake scam and then you'll do something stupid like put your kid in the microwave because he's "evil" and "fake".

Then, when you sober up ... ha ha! Your life isn't fake, these handcuffs aren't fake and that cop rapping on your skull with an iron skillet to the tune of "Blitzkrieg Bop" isn't fake either.

So if you're going to smoke good weed, stick with the Pink Floyd for entertainment.

Have you ever noticed that all politicians look constipated in their promotional pictures?

Here's the two guys that are running for Mayor in our city's election next month.

It's kind of the lesser of two constipated evils.

Finally, the last person left on Earth jumps on the bandwagon.

If you see an overabundance of dorks and pedophiles wandering aimlessly with dazed looks on their faces in the streets today, it might be because MSN has decided to close its chat rooms.

Then again, they might be mayoral candidates from my city just visiting yours.

Andrew got bitten at daycare yesterday.

He came home with a big red mark around his belly button which HAD to hurt.

He even got a bite report which explained that one of his "friends" bit him on the finger and belly button and that Andrew received lots of hugs, kisses and ice to make it better.

Fuck that.

My kid has a big red welt around his belly button.

And this morning, I'M taking him to daycare.

Which can mean only one thing.

Some little two year-old with a biting fetish is about to become my bitch.

You don't just walk up to my kid and bite his belly button without retaliation, punk.

So you show up for school today,kid.

I'll be the daddy with the vaseline on his shoe.

Which will make it more efficient when I shove it up your two year-old belly-biting ass.

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