current entry older entries message board contact
09:54:51 - 2000-08-03


Y'know one thing that REALLY pisses me off??

When somebody lists Anenigma as one of their favorite diaries ... but not me.

It's damned near a fact ... if you ever see one of us on a links page, the other one is usually right there with them.

But there are a select few diaries that only list one or the other. Most people ... if you dig one of us, you dig the other. I just can't imagine why someone would like her diary...but not mine.

We are the proverbial peas in the linkage pod.

..If that is in fact...proverbial.

I'm not sure if this bothers Anenigma like it does me. Never really bothered to quiz her on the subject.

However...we're fucking peanut butter and jelly, kids. You can't read one without reading the other.

Many of you already know that. Some of you are trying to buck that trend and only link one of us.


Regardless...GET YOUR LINK SHIT TOGETHER PEOPLE. If you're going to link me... link her and vice versa.

I dunno why.

Just do it.


You don't really have to. I just wanted to start this entry off on a tirade.


My balls no longer ache.

Thanks to those who expressed their concerns over my recent stupid act. They really only ached for one day and I know I SHOULD have informed you people the moment they stopped aching ... but ... well jeez ... it was one of those things where I woke up and the balls didn't ache and I didn't give it a second thought.



Here in Alabama, we've had a drought all summer. Which means the Hillbillies haven't had any water to stock their moonshine stills with.

But for the last five days, we've had rain, rain, rain.

I never thought I'd be so glad to see rain.

Now I wish it'd go away.

You know...come again SOME OTHER day.

Because my yard REALLY needs mowed ... and it's constantly soaking wet. And every free chance I have to mow it, it's raining.

Damned rain.



I got up at 5, got the diaries caught up, walked the dog ... took a nap at 9:30 .... the phone guy came by and woke me up at 10....He left at 10:30 after switching my phone service....I then slept until 12:30....Went and interviewed a potential pediatrician ... Had lunch...bought a used DVD of "The Green Mile" for 15 bucks... Came home and napped SOME MORE...Got up, walked the dog again ... downloaded the Herb Alpert album "Rise" for a neighbor at work ... Prepared a London Broil roast, grilled squash, chicken noodles and breadsticks for dinner ... watched "Survivor" (OMG!! They kicked Gervase off!!! I guess all that laziness finally bit him in the ass!)...downloaded some more stuff off Napster...watched "South Park" (TIMMY!!)... watched "Oz" (God...I LOVE that show)...laid in bed praying that I never go to prison...fell asleep.

Now...let's review...

The rain made me sleepy all day.

Fucking Knology...who we previously had our phone service with, are such ASSHOLES!! As soon as they hooked us up with them, our answering machine quit working. I called and called for people to come out and fix the problem, and they kept saying I had a bad answering machine and it was time for a new one.

This one was less than a year old. I told them that.

"Time for a new one, Uncle Bob."

"Bite my ass, phone boy."

So we switch back to AT&T and whaddaya know???

My answering machine works FINE.

I'm going to fire off a letter to Knology today telling them how incompetent they are...without using the word "Fuckin'".

...Let's see if it can be done...


We interviewed our first pediatrician yesterday.

That was kinda fun...putting a baby doctor on the spot. After dealing with car salesmen for the last several weeks, I've learned how to handle people that will do ANYTHING for your business.

We made Dr. Baby Guy sweat it out.

Although we both really dug him. We've got another interview today and one tomorrow. Then we decide which baby doctor will get to give our precious Andrew his shots and wipe his nose on occasion.


Had lunch at Chappy's Deli. It's a great place, but I wouldn't wanna live there.


Got "The Green Mile" for a STEAL!! $16 bucks!!!

I haven't seen the movie, but I think I'll like it. I love movies about running marathons through fields of green.


My London Broil kicked ASS, BAYBEEEEE....

Tender...juicy...properly maggots crawling through the meat...



Gervase was kicked off the island last night.

I'm kinda embarrassed, because I jumped on that whole "Gervase is the lone survivor" bandwagon a few weeks ago, going as far as to boast about it in my newspaper column.'s come back to bite me in the ass.

I'm convinced...NOBODY knows who's going to win.

Although...I hope it comes down to Richard and Sue. I wanna watch those two arrogant back-stabbing bastards go at it in the end.

...Cut-throat pieces of shit...


"Oz" has GOT to be the best show on television.

You never know WHERE they're going with that show. Main characters can die at the drop of a hat. Last night's show was particularly intense, especially when it came time for Shirley Bellinger to meet her maker.

And yeah...I prayed like a mofo after the show. First off, if I ever ended up in prison, I'd be EVERYONE'S bitch. I'd be so scared to stand up to anybody, hell...the warden would be boning me in the shower after a week.

I've tried to think ... which inmate at Oz would I want to be stuck with as a cellmate.

The obvious ones are the old guys...except one killed a drug lord last week ... Said (Sy-eed)who's a religious nut and probably wouldn't be fucking me night and day ... One of the O'Reilly brothers, probably Cyril because he's retarded and wouldn't be fucking me but is prone to violent outbursts...Ryan O'Reilly would be okay, because he doesn't seem the type to be porking his roomie. Beecher would probably be cool ... even though he's in love with his cellmate now...Two years ago when he was a psycho, I wouldn't have gone near him, but I think his psycho stage is past him.

Bottom line...I'd want Said. He's religious and praying all the time. I'd wanna be in his cell, so we could pray together. He'd be praying for strength and I'd be praying nobody boned me up the ass for being a fucking wise guy that day.

Who would I LEAST want??? Christ...that list is a mile long...I'd steer clear of Schillinger the Nazi or Adebisi, the psychotic Jamaican.

OH!!OH!!OH!!! I'd want the crippled guy in the wheelchair as my roommate!! The only thing you gotta worry about with him is making sure you help him in his wheelchair in the morning and at night. He seems fun, has a good outlook, nobody fucks with him, and he won't try to slip his sausage in your biscuit in the middle of the night.

Y'know...if you're not a faithful follower of "Oz"...I doubt you're still're probably busy reading Annie's diary entry by now.



OLD MAN: "Think it'll rain?"

ME: "Yep."

OLD MAN: "Sure looks like it."

ME: "Yep."


0 comments so far
The last one/The next one

NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem™
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

powered by

Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.


Read a random entry of mine.