current entry older entries message board contact
11:38:11 - 2000-04-05



Did Uncle Bob leave you hangin' this morning??

I sowy.

Been a busy morning already and it's just going to be getting busier.

Went to the big music fest press conference this morning. They always throw pretty cool press conferences. Some press conferences suck ... they're all serious and crap. But Jubilee always has cool ones.

I talked to the Mayor of the city briefly today.

Have I told you guys that I'm his self-appointed "bodyguard"?

The Mayor of the city??

Probably have. If's a joke that he and I have. That's it.

Talked to a lot of my fellow media people. Everyone's jazzed about George Clinton and P-Funk and Joan Jett.

Yes...we're desperate for entertainment down here. Being in the Bible Belt and having the same strict bible-thumping Mayor that we had for 23 years straight ... our city kinda fell off the cultural map as far as entertainment coming through town.

But we have a new buddy Bobby...and the changes are starting to reflect in our music acts.

Whooohooo!! The Beach Boys!! Welcome to the 21st century!!!

Plus these festivals are always cool for me for a couple of reasons...

We have a nice hotel suite stocked with liquor right smack in the middle of the Festival where all the entertainment stays.

We have Press Passes, which even though they SAY aren't backstage passes ... we usually manage to get backstage with them anyway.

The key...act like you know what the hell you're doing.'ll be fun.

And the press conference was cool. They fed us good ... cake, doughnuts, bagels, blah blah blah.

I'm stuffed.

I also got a basket full of jelly bean filled Easter Eggs, a stuffed Easter Bunny and...and...well...shit...I guess that's it.

An 8" by 10" photo of country superstar Martina McBride.

She's one hot tamale.

I went to a press conference with Bill Gates one time. That was boring and very strict. Bill kept smiling at me though and shook my hand and said "How are you?" I told him I was sick of his bullshit, that's how I was.

I bet he was thinking "Ya know...that guy probably has one cool diary."


I'll tell ya who throws good press conferences...our local FOX affiliate. Man. They gave me a tote bag full of FOX Sports baseball caps, pens, pads, t-shirts ... a bunch of Futurama stuff...

They know how to entice me to get off my fat ass and show up at their other-wise boring press conferences.

The only reason I go over there is when they have their "Fall Schedule Unveiling" press conference. It's just me and a guy from another newspaper that show up at this thing. They sit us down in front of a TV and show us previews of upcoming shows. The cool part is, I get to take a tape of them home with me.

The uncool thing is...the room is full of all the local executives and marketing people who sit and stare at us to get our reaction to what we just saw on the screen and that's how they can tell what's going to make it and what's not.

Yeah right. I have no idea why they stare at us. More than likely, I probably have jelly on one of my chins or something.

This year, I picked "Malcolm In The Middle" to be a big hit. Also that show "Get Real" which I ended up watching once and it wasn't nearly as good stretched out over an hour as it was over five minutes.

Hospitals have lousy press conferences. It's bad enough you have to walk past people with tubes in their noses to get to the damned conference room.

But you get there and the press conference is always the same..."We gave so-and-so two million dollars because we love the children. Please continue to sit there and watch us pat ourselves on the back for the next 15 minutes. Oh ... here's a piece of dry toast...thanks for coming. Steer clear of the Hepatitis ward on your way out."

The absolute WORST press conference I ever had was at one of our local colleges. Two college students were holding a press conference to discuss an upcoming television deal they had just signed.

I went to the press conference thinking ... "Wow...future superstars right here in our city."

Ummmm....they had written four "shows" for a new detective spoof they were going to begin filming and debut on our local cable access channel.

You know...the channel everyone calls "That Stupid Local Shit" channel??

That one.

What if you held a press conference and nobody came?

It'd be almost as bad as just one person showing up.


There were forty chairs for the media to sit in.

One occupied.

The two college students still acted like they had studio executives flanking them with big oversized checks worth millions.

It was one of the most surreal experiences of my life.

Bottom line...a successful press conference gives shit away.

All the rest suck.

0 comments so far
The last one/The next one

NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem™
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

powered by

Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.


Read a random entry of mine.