THE ORIGINAL HOT ORGASMIC LOVE SLUT ... UNCLE BOB

I've been awake for 90 minutes and I'm just getting around to writing this. Which means I lost my "half-awake" edge that I normally have when scribbling out this malarkey.

So bear with me, kids. Uncle Bob doesn't drink coffee and the Coca Cola's beginning to rot his teeth so caffeine is not an option this morning.

Total lie. I'm drinking a Coke right now.

I'm sorry. I lied.

I've been bad.

Wanna spank me??

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My GOD ... I just wanna get through this day today.

Today is deadline day at the newspaper. Then I don't have to go back until Wednesday. And unlike last weekend, this weekend is going to be stress free.

We're getting Andy dedicated to the church on Sunday. I was kinda hoping the kid could be dedicated to his parents, but Susie really wants him dedicated to the church.

She's a freak that way about certain things.

Other than that, I plan on catching a few football games and possibly having one last binge before the diet from hell.

Trust me ... when I diet ... I DIET, BAYBEEEEE...

Yep. I expect to weigh in the vicinity of 84 lbs. when I'm done with this diet.

SLENDER, BAYBEEEEE.

Ah...who am I kidding?? I'll probably weigh 500 lbs. by 2002 the rate I'm going.

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I've just decided ... I can't get enough of that funky stuff. I'll keep you abreast of any further updates in the matter.

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Andy and I started playing a new game last night called "BIG BOY!!" Basically, he kneels on my lap, with my hands under his armpits holding him upright. When he stretches his legs, he "stands up" and I say with a big smile "BIG BOYYYYY!!" That, in turn, makes him grin and fall back to his knees to do it again.

It's a highly complex game. There's really no telling who will win, because it's a sharp battle of cunning skullduggery throughout the duration of the game.

"Will he stand up??"

"Will he say "BIG BOYYYYY"??"

I mean...it's pretty intense, y'all.

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So yesterday ... I go to pick Mattie Gee up for work since he just lives in the next subdivision over and he's busted his knee up to where he shouldn't be driving on paved roads.

As we're leaving his house, I panicked because I forgot to tell him that his dog needed food. So his dog hadn't eaten in about 24 hours or so, but his last meal was a big one, so it's not officially animal abuse. So we have to go to the store to get food, then come back and feed Brak, his dog.

In that time, Brak had somehow managed to get up on the kitchen counter and yank the coffee pot off the counter and send it shattering to the floor below.

So since Mattie Gee's on crutches, I hop out of the car to go feed Brak.

I open the door and smell coffee.

I go in the kitchen and there's coffee and broken glass everywhere.

So we cleaned up after him and I think I talked Mattie Gee into buying a kennel-like thing for him to stay in during the day so he quits tearing up every single thing they own.

Yep. That's your Mattie Gee story for today, kids.

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I think/hope I left my wallet at work yesterday.

Because I sure can't find it anywhere in this house.

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It's 5:45 a.m.

I need a nap.

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The boss gave us our Christmas presents yesterday. The ones that he "ordered that hadn't come in yet".

I KNEW that they were going to either be tins full of nuts or pen and pencil sets.

Remember???

Well I was wrong.

Personal checks, baby.

The guy's not so bad after all.

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Gadzooks ... there's nothing else of importance to report here.

I have no plans for New Years Eve. Maybe cook a nice dinner for the two of us and watch a movie or play with Andy.

Hell, I dunno.

Take care kids. Have a safe weekend. Don't drink and drive. It's just plain stupid.

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QUESTION OF THE DAY

Do you have any New Year's Resolutions you'd like to share?