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5:28 a.m. - 2002-01-03


Not much to say today.

There's a dusting of snow on the ground and cars today. Which means children will be out at dawn, trying desperately to make snowmen.

Watching the news last night, they had interviews with local kids out playing in their yards in yesterday's freak snow storm that dumped a total of two inches on the ground. These kids were making snow angels in the mud, which I found pretty amusing. The snow had all but melted, but here's these idiot children, laying in mud puddles and making what were essentially mud angels.

I hooted and pointed at the TV screen. Susie was saying "What? What?"

I said "Those dumbass kids! They're making mud angels! Hoot! Hoot!"

She wasn't amused.

Anyway, the news says that bridges and overpasses are "trecherous" this morning.

Doesn't that make roadways sound diabolical? Like they should be curling a highway mustache and going "Muahahahahahaha!! I've got you, my pretty!!"


Can you tell I have little to talk about this morning?

Susie's entire family thinks that our nephew and his girlfriend need to put their three month-old baby up for adoption.

Apparently, Susie's sister is on the verge of a breakdown. I never saw it, but she did an AWFUL lot of crying while they were here. This new baby is basically being thrown into her lap to raise while the kids play video games and hump each other silly in their bunk beds.

If the bunk beds are rocking, don't bother knocking.

Last night, Susie and her Mom were debating on which of them should broach the subject to Susie's sister about possible adoption. Right now, Susie's in the front running to call her sister and say "Soooo...let's sell the baby!"

I originally said that I would adopt the baby. But that wouldn't be cool. Because as soon as my nephew and his girlfriend du jour DID manage to mature a bit, they'd want the baby back. Like we were just babysitting him for the last ten years or something while they got their shit together. And I forgot to mention...this baby spits up an AWFUL lot. It was a preemie baby (keep in mind, the mother didn't even know she was pregnant), and Susie's sister thinks that has something to do with it. Personally, I think the baby was born without an esophagus or something. Because...damn...this kid spews like a ten pound volcano on steroids.

Plus, it just ain't kosher for family members to adopt each other's babies. If you do something like that, the next thing you know you'll have the film crew from "Cops" camped out in your front yard waiting for you to do something else ignorant.

I told Susie that I doubted the "parents" of the child would go for adoption but Susie corrected me. She said they don't even care about the kid and asked me how many times I saw the "parents" hold the kid. "Very rarely" was my answer, but that doesn't mean they don't love the kid. It just means their upper arm strength is probably nil.

So I dunno. My in-laws have some fucked-up problems.

Who woulda thunk it?

My Mom called me the other day, wanting me to download some stuff from Rodney Carrington, who is apparently a southern comedian and make her a disc.

So I did.

And I have to report...I think my Mom's a perv.

There's tracks like "My 12-inch dick", "Thank God I'm A Pubic Hair" and "Titties and Beer".

It was kinda tough typing out all these phrases for her CD booklet. I'm kinda ashamed to admit to my mother that I know what the phrase "12-inch dick" means.

It means I'm about two inches smaller than Rodney Carrington.


Alright...the sun's starting to come up. Time to go make some mud angels.

See ya later, suckers.

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