THE RED HEADED STEPCHILD OF DIARY ENTRIES

I received an email today from someone who shall remain nameless because if you want to know the truth, I'm making this shit up. Anyway...the fictitious email went as follows:

"Hey Uncle Bob...what the hell are you REALLY like?"

Welllll...I'm Homer Simpson come to life.

Hmmmm...hope that answered your question, my imaginary email buddy.

So...I know what you're thinking...

"Gee willikers, Uncle Bob...has Frank been making you any more wonderful crazy assed buttons for your site and others??"

Ladies and gents...the Frankenmachine NEVER rests.

Scroll down to the bottom of the list of my Army and check out her latest.

It cracked my ass up.

Anyway...the award is supposed to be given BY ME to various diaries who I think are worthy of the Award.

Diaries who stand above all others as far as layout, design, content and stench.

But guess what??

I CAN'T MAKE UP MY DAMNED MIND ON WHO GETS THE AWARD AND WHO DOESN'T.

So...because I'm an equal opportunity asshole, I've decided to let you (YOU) award your own damned self.

Because...let's face it...if you're reading this crap right now...well...by God, you're royalty in my imaginary world.

That said...THIS AWARD IS FOR YOU!!

SPEECH, SPEECH!!

RANDOM DIARYLANDER WHO JUST POPPED IN FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES AND WASN'T EXPECTING TO GET A DAMNED AWARD IN THE PROCESS: "Oh geez...I wasn't expecting this. First off...major thanks to my Lord and Creator, Jesus Christ. Second...mad props go out to my G-force...the handsome and erotic Uncle Bob. Third...you call this an award?? It's a picture of you and country superstar Deana Carter with her face cut out. Shit man. Get real, dude. I don't want yer stinkin' award."

Fine. Hurt my feelings you ungrateful bastard/bitch.

(I LOVE manipulating people through my diary...it's so relaxing for me).

Anyway...if you feel that your diary is worthy of this award, please put it somewhere on your page.

I realize that there are some out there who are more HTML illiterate than even myself.

I silently weep each night for you morons.

That said...here's how you put the award on YOUR page.

1) Remember to substitute the parentheses () with <>.

2) Got it?

3) I feel so important...teaching the mentally challenged how to put an award on the page.

4) Here's the code:

(img src="http://pages.prodigy.net/dexlab728/bobaward.jpg")

5) Now...cut and paste this into your little HTML diary thingie and you can have your VERY FIRST WEBSITE AWARD!!!

From Uncle Bob no less!!!

Oops. Just peed a few drops in my pants, 'cos I was so excited.

Alright...this is yet another entry that has no business being part of the Uncle Bob Family of Diary Entries.

Anyway...a big special Uncle Bob THANK YEEWWWWWWWW!!! to Frank who has not only been a great buddy ... but a fine mamma jamma as well.

Smooches Frankie. Love ya.

The rest of ya... my God...as the late great Michael Stipe once said "For you alone, you are my everything."

Alright...he's not REALLY dead.

But he did say that...

Have you ever been updating your diary and couldn't tell when to stop??

BINGO.