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5:51 a.m. - 2002-03-01

YES, FINE...I WATCH TOO MUCH TV...SUE ME

First off ... if you're an adventurous sort and are sitting there thinking "Gee whiz...I sure wish I could be listening to the exact same song that Uncle Bob's listening to right now" ... download "My Life, My Love, My All" by Kirk Franklin. Right now I can't get ENOUGH of that song and am listening to it nonstop.

THEN ... after listening to it, you might have a better idea of who Uncle Bob REALLY is.


Well, hey..."Survivor 4" ...

A few quick notes here....

Sarah ... DAMN!!! I think Sarah's the first contestant who was brought into the game for her breast size alone. Hot damn!! As one of the girls said (one of those girls who won't be around much longer so I don't bother to learn their real names) "Sarah's got a cute body. She paid a lot for it." It certainly helps that the setting is on a tropical island right now and we see Sarah wearing a bikini everywhere she goes. She's obviously using her body to stay on the island and keep the men entertained. And I'll go on record right now as saying that anyone who votes for her is on my shit list.

Sean ... you're the funniest contestant ever on the show...but you voted for Sarah last night. You're on my shit list.

And why in God's name did they keep the overweight, out of shape Grandma on the show?? Hellooooo? We're on an iiiiisland, people. I only want to see tight bodies in bikinis...not Grandma in her oversized tank top and polyester shorts. It's kinda like ordering a pizza and when it's brought to your table, you have half a dead mole baked into it.

Although, I'll be honest, it's probably good that they eliminated the team psycho first. That guy gave me the creeps bad. His wild eyed stare and permanent freaky grin made him look like a lobotomy patient. I do think that was the first time that a male has been the first one voted off. I don't recall the first season, but I think they got rid of the grandma first. Second season was the jail guard who was sleeping with her stepson. Last season was the curly haired clown lady who got dehydrated the first day. They usually keep the guys around for their strength ... but the guy they kicked off last night...well ... good riddance, dude. Worthless Grandma gets to stay because you were just a teensy weensy bit psychotic.

But he DID get the fire going. You'd think they'd have given him a few more days on the island for that alone. He must have been ultra-creepy behind the scenes.

And Hunter...as I've stated here a billion times...I'm straight ... but I'd go gay for Hunter. Damn. He's one fine specimen of man. I kept staring at him and saying "Damn, he's fine." Now the wife wants me to go into therapy. And there's no way I'm going to therapy for this. Unless of course, Hunter's my therapist.

All in all, there were very few people on the show that I could see rocking the boat. Kathy's a bit bossy. And Sarah is cruising while showing off her breast implants. But other than that, I think this will be as good as the first season. Definitely better than last season which was just uncomfortable to watch for me.

Anyway....yeah.

Watched the debut of "Tough Enough 2" on MTV too. I really like that show. I won't talk about it though since I'd like to mention ....

"Friends".

Talk about killing a plotline. For the last few months, Joey's been falling in love with Rachel. He finally tells her and she's like "Oh Joey! You wacky guy!" and that's it?!?

Gimme a break.

There's still a few good lines in each episode, but that show could go away now and I wouldn't miss it.

Ditto "Will and Grace".

And that gawdawful show that came on between them ... "Leap of Faith"?? Where the premise of the show is to be as raunchy as "Sex And The City" without actually using the words "cocksucker" and "fuckfest". We watched that last night and I was embarrassed to be trying to follow the plot. Girl's getting married. Girl screws around days before wedding. Girl announces her sluttiness at her bridal shower. Girl loses fiancee and goes to get another booty call from the guy who's poking another girl at the moment. Girl settles for this and agrees to be his poke partner the next day.

I felt like I contracted a venereal disease just watching the damned thing.


I like to be in control of certain situations.

And today, as hard as I'm trying to be in control of upcoming situations, they're just too tough to harness.

Susie wants to go to the big, huge, gigantic rummage sale tonight.

She also wants to take Andrew to church for Parent's Night Out and go out on the town with some other parents for a few hours.

She also wants me to bring Andrew to the rummage sale and for us to hang out there while she casually shops.

The rummage sale starts at 5:30. The few times I've been, there are literal stampedes to get through the doors. Big gargantuan housewives in stretch pants and curlers will beat your ass senseless if you dare not keep the pace with them.

We have to get Andrew to the other side of town by 6:45 if we're going out with the other parents.

I've seen my wife shop. She's slooooooooow. She moves with the grace of a brain damaged moose. Meanwhile, Andrew and I have to stand there and wait for her to finally find an outfit for Andrew that doesn't have rips, tears or stains all over it.

There's no way we can get to the other side of town in time. No way.

So I've come up with a Plan B. We call the other parents today and get their cell phone numbers and keep in touch with them that way to see where they're going to eat and where they may be at certain times of the evening.

But I don't see us getting out of the rummage sale before 7:30 at the earliest.

Susie STILL wants to go to dinner, even if we take Andrew, who is really beginning to become a handful at dinner. Now that he can walk, he wants to walk EVERYWHERE. What he fails to realize is that he's a TODDLER, not a WALKER and there are people trying to get around his toddling ass. This frustrates him when we won't let him walk in crowded restaurants. So he wants to get on the table and pour salt all over the table or grab ice cubes out of our drinks and try to eat them.

It's...just much nicer to go out without him. More relaxing. That's why I relish Parent's Night Out. For three hours we can be non-parents again, which is a nice thing once a month. I love my kid more than life itself ... but there are times when you need a break from the little guy.

Basically ... if I don't get to take advantage of Parent's Night Out tonight, there's a very good chance I might suffer an embarrassing freak out session. Especially after having to haul him to the Rummage Sale where he's going to want to walk around and get lost in the crowd and have me running around the Coliseum screaming his name like a male Sally Field in a bad TV movie about abducted children at rummage sales.

It's going to be a madcap evening.

When all I want is a quiet evening with a nice quiet meal.

On top of that, my buddy from Indiana should be in town now and HE'S going to be calling the house and wanting to go out tonight without knowing of our plans.

I dunno.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, huh?

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