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9:48 a.m. - 2004-03-02

TIRED, CRANKY AND IRRITABLE (OH MY)

Gah.

My wife's favorite phrase right now is "I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired."

Of course ... she's healthy today.

Me on the other hand?

Head cold. Chest congestion. Rattling cough. Sagging testicles.

Every time I cough it sounds like somebody's strangling a cartoon duck.

And I'm coughing like every 90 seconds. The neighborhood kids are just LOVING my ass these days, hollering "Do it again, Mr. Bob!!" in front of our house.

My voice is gone for the most part. I've got a gutteral rasp in its place.

Yeah.

I'm just a fucking picture of good health over here.


Can I just say how much I really really REALLY like my new job as a DJ?

At first when I agreed to do this I thought "Man. Have I hit an all-time low or what?"

The first night when I had to do the karaoke thing and Black Elvis was there and the club was dead I thought "Yep. Put a check mark next to that 'all time low' thing."

But after this past weekend?

LOVE IT.

As it turns out, this club actually does some business on the weekends.

Saturday night we packed out early and I had a full dance floor most of the night.

What's really changed is the type of music that's played in clubs today as opposed to when I DJed in the 80s.

I remember that I couldn't play Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" until after 10 p.m.

"Push It" by Salt n Pepa was after midnight because it was so risque.

Now?

There's this song called "Get Low" by Lil John. If you still have the balls to download MP3s, download it if you don't know what I'm talking about.

That was the most popular song I played all night.

And it's all "Put your motherfucking ass against the wall, bitch!" kind of lyrics.

I'm no prude.

But I was blushing as the song played.

And watching girls rubbing their asses into guys' crotches on the dance floor.

I had one cute little female saunter up to the DJ booth at one point.

"Do you have any Kid Rock?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I've got Bawitdaba a dang dang ditty ditty..."

"Do you have 'Cadillac Pussy'?!?!" she interupted me, all excited.

I was kinda taken aback. I wanted to say "No. But I've got a Yugo Dick."

Luckily for me, the other DJ who works on my off nights was in the club and he had it in his car.

I played it and the song wasn't THAT bad.

And it packed the dance floor with a bunch of people whooping and hollering.

I had a guy come up and ask me if I had 50 Cent.

I handed him two quarters.

In a nutshell, I have a lot of catching up to do with today's music.

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