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6:26 a.m. - 2004-03-19

ENTER SANDMAN. EXIT SANITY.

I'm so damned pissed at my body.

Today I pack up the mini-van and shuttle the family off to Georgia where we will witness my baby sister getting married tomorrow.

Nine times out of ten, the night before a road trip, I cannot sleep.

So last night, I came to bed prepared.

I took a Melatonin.

I turned the TV on to an old episode of "Seinfeld" that I've seen multiple times.

And I got ready for a full eight hours of sleep.

After "Seinfeld" came the double shot of "Blind Date", my latest guilty pleasure.

Sue me. I love to see dumbasses get mocked during gawdawful dating experiences.

After that I turned off the TV.

Midnight.

Okay.

If I fall asleep RIGHT NOW I can wake up at 6 a.m. with a full six hours of sleep.

Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now.

Fall asleep right now.

Fall.

Asleep.

Right.

Now.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...Fall asleep right now.

Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now.

Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now. Fall asleep right now.

Goddammit.

Fall asleep right now.

Now.

Okay ... now.

Fall asleep right now.

Shit.

1 a.m.

Fall asleep right now.

Fallasleeprightnow. Fallasleeprightnow.

Fallasleeprightnow.

Fall the fuck asleep right now, damn you.

2 a.m.

Okay.

If I fall asleep RIGHT NOW and get up at 6, I'll have four hours of sleep.

I can drive four hours on four hours of sleep.

I can stay up late with cousins and relatives and friends of the family that I haven't seen in years on four hours of sleep.

No problem.

Just ... you know ... fall asleep right now.

Go ahead brain.

Fall asleep.

Right now.

Do it.

2:30 a.m.

Sonofabitch.

The last time I remember looking at the clock, it was 3:15 a.m.

I had already planned on sleeping in until 9 a.m.

So we leave a bit later than 7 a.m.

No problem.

Uh-huh.

Well guess who woke up at 5:30 a.m.?

Nope.

Me.

I'm running on about two hours of sleep.

I've got to pack, get the van loaded up, drive four hours, check into the hotel, see my sick aunt for the first time since she's been diagnosed with inoperable cancer, hang out with my family and extended family, attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, probably hang out in the hotel bar with my cousins who enjoy a good stiff drink or 12 and THEN THEN THEN I can go back to bed.

Whee.

I hate my stupid brain.


I attended the first rehearsal for this Easter play that I'm going to be in next month.

It's a non-stressful role.

I play "Guy in Large Crowd #38".

Basically, my job is to walk around a crowded market, look at baskets and vegetables and then walk away.

But later in the show I come back with the rest of the crowd as we all wave palm fronds at Jesus and say things like "Look! It's Jesus!" and "Hey! Here comes the J-Man!"

I was told last night by the director to "look more excited" when Jesus walks past me.

Ummmm.

What's my motivation?

Granted, I guess seeing Jesus should be enough motivation to get me excited.

But excuse me if I'm having trouble getting excited as a fat, balding guy in a t-shirt and shorts walks past me as he acts like Jesus.

I told the director not to worry and that on the actual day of the play, she'll see plenty of excitement just oozing out of my talented pores.

I plan on fake gasping and putting my hands over my mouth while making my eyes as wide as they can go while elbowing whoever's next to me and then pointing in Jesus' direction so as to focus their attention on Jesus Himself.

Yeah.

Start polishing up my Tony award now, Broadway.

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