current entry older entries message board contact
8:26 a.m. - 2004-06-15

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

So I'm standing in the shower yesterday ... which is a good thing because had I been laying in the shower yesterday it would have meant I had either had a stroke, heart attack or insatiable desire to turn my shower into a bathtub ... when I decided "I need to get my hair cut today".

It wasn't really ratty looking or anything, but I just thought that I had the time, so what the hell ... y'know?

So I go to this new hair salon in town that I had a coupon for a free hair cut for.

I walked in and kinda shuddered inside because I was trusting the maintenance and care of my beautiful locks to a new hair stylist for the first time in almost a decade.

So I sit in the chair.

"What'll it be today?" the woman asked.

I went blank. My usual hairdresser knows what I want and how to do it. We call it a "businessman's cut". Off the collar, over the ears, somewhat feathered back. Sorry. I just can't leave the 80s behind.

"Shave it," I blurted out.

The girl stopped.

"Shave it as in ... shave your hair off?" she asked.

I probably should have said "No woman. Shave your ASS. What do you THINK I meant?"

"Yes, shave my hair off," I instructed.

What the hell was I thinking?!?

Sadly, my hair is one of my best features. I had achieved a decent mix of salt and pepper ... still a lot of pepper, but in certain light I looked gray. A distinguished gray. A gray that said "I'm getting up there, but bitch ... I'm still young at heart".

The guy next to me getting his hair cut said loudly "Go for it!"

He then regaled us all with a story on how he just got back from Iraq and over there, all the troops shaved their heads and rubbed suntan lotion on their skulls.

Well gee whiz. That's all I needed to hear. Make me look like a grunt, Sista!

She pulled out the electric clippers and started going to town on me.

In about two minutes, she had me down to a mohawk.

"Would you rather have a mohawk?" she asked.

Honestly, at that point, staring at this thick strip of hair down my skull, I honestly thought it might be a good idea.

Alas, I came to my senses rather quickly.

"Shave me clean," I said. "All the way. SHINY bald."

Thirty seconds later, I was shiny bald.

Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

When guys shave their head, they always think in their head that they're now going to be mistaken for Vin Diesel everywhere they go.

Sadly, they're mistaken for chemo patients instead.

My scalp is a pasty gray color.

I'd go outside and get it tanned, but it's going to be raining all freakin' week.

So guys, if you're wanting to shave your head, check the Weather Channel's five-day outlook first.

God.

I sure wish I had.

35 comments so far
The last one/The next one


NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem™
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


CURRENT - ARCHIVES - MESSAGES - EMAIL


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

email:
powered by
NotifyList.com

HEY YOU!
Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.

DISCLAIMER


Read a random entry of mine.