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6:17 a.m. - 2005-07-21

WHO'S GONNA BEAM YOU UP NOW, KIRK?

I have to admit ... I was kinda sorta excited when I heard that the guy who played Scotty on "Star Trek" died yesterday.

Not that I wished death on the guy.

I didn't even know him and I fully recognize that this must bring severe heartache to those who loved the man, the character, the TV series.

What excited me is the fact that now all celebrities are on high alert because celebrities die in packs of 3 and this is the first to go.

So when I woke up this morning, I hurriedly jumped to the computer (it took a total of 18 jumps from the bed to the office ... I counted) and logged in to CNN.com.

Where I saw the latest celebrity death.

Yes.

Contain yourselves.

Gerry Thomas is dead.

And while this celebrity death isn't really the kind of celebrity death that makes you gasp when a co-worker or obnoxious blogger tells you the news, it's still a celebrity death.

And even though his children are weeping right now over the passing of their father's death, I can't help but feel a bit ... cheated.

And not over the guy's death either.

Over the fact that ... this is it?

This is the best you could do, God?

Gerry F'n Thomas?!?

I understand that killing off Scotty was a stretch in the celebrity death department in the first place ... the guy was like 85 and suffering from dementia and a stiff wind coulda probably knocked him over and killed him.


But AT LEAST people knew who he was. I never watched the show in my life, but I've heard comedians do impressions of the man saying stuff like "I'm givin' 'er all I've got, Captain" in a thick Scottish brogue.

Gerry F'n Thomas?!?

You coulda poked me with a stick for hours on end, repeating "Who invented the TV Dinner? Who invented the TV dinner?" and I'd be weeping and shrugging my shoulders saying, "I don't know! I don't know!" while blood seeped from the wound you created with that sharp-assed stick of yours.

All I can say is ... if Gerry Thomas is the best we can do for the second celebrity death, the third one had better be BIG.

My vote is for Jennifer Lopez.

C'mon God.

You KNOW you want to.


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