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1:22 p.m. - 2001-10-17

ASK DR. OSAMA

So hey...the Emmys will go on.

Can I get a big, gaping "YAHOOOOO!!"?

Apparently, there are still dozens of people out there who will not rest until they find out who wins Best Wardrobe Designer for a Mini-Series or TV Movie. So the producers of the show have decided to say Osama be Damned and go on with the shindig when they could have just as easily issued a press release saying "Dennis Franz won again. The end."

Eh.

Who am I to bitch?


CNN has submitted a series of questions to prankster Osama "Big" bin Laden via a representative of his al Qaeda terror network. Sample questions include:

"Do you have any military equipment that was produced AFTER Bob Hope was born?"

"Who wants to be a millionaire?"

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"What's with the towel, dude?"

"Would you like fries with that ass kicking we just gave your airport?"

"Who put the bomp in the bomp-shoo-womp-a-lomp?"

"Is it just me or does it smell like burnt beards in here?"

"Is that a slingshot in your pocket or are you severely deformed down there?"

"How many Taliban dorks does it take to change a lightbulb? Two."


After 30 years as host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker, 77, hints he will retire next year. "There is no place to learn to do what I do," Barker said when asked if it would be easy to hire a replacement for the once-exciting game show.

What?

Did the University of Freakishly Old And Kinky Game Show Hosts Who Hump The Models On Their Shows And Then Lie About It In Court To Save Their Own Asses fold?

Barker's PR representative says that Barker was just kidding about quitting the show. "He's old," the Rep said. "He thinks this kind of shit is funny."


KISS has backed out of this weekend's "United We Stand — What More Can I Give?" Sept. 11 charity concert in Washington, D.C. The band reportedly dropped out because singer Paul Stanley is undergoing hip surgery.

Man.

Do I feel old.

One of my favorite rock stars of all time...needing hip surgery. I mean...granted...prancing around in seven inch platform shoes for 30 years will screw up your lower body, so this was inevitable.

But isn't hip surgery usually reserved for grandfathers in nursing homes?

And for Pete's sakes...did they have to tell the world that he needs hip surgery? They may as well have said "Paul crapped a load of Metamucil in his Depends and won't be making it to the big show."


That's all the news I could find. Thanks for playing.

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