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09:47:23 - 2000-08-04

GAGS, JOKES, PRANKS AND YUKS ... NOT IN THAT ORDER

Heya Heya Heya...

A few things before we start off this cavalcade of crap this morning...

There's somebody out there who sent me a few emails and suggested that I add "their" diaries to the Army.

As it turns out...it was all a joke. The person suggesting the diary additions was a hacker and had really made a mess out of the other person's diary. When I saw the diary...quite frankly...I thought the diary was shit, but I added it anyway.

Why...BECAUSE I'M A NICE GUY.

Then I receive an email from the real person, asking me to take down the diaries that have been hacked into.

I did.

Now then...to the punk assed kid who hacked into the diary...

I've got a pretty good idea who you are and your diary is up on that list to the left as well. If I find out it's you behind the hacking...I'll...I'll...I'll

I'LL TAKE YOUR NAME OFF MY LIST AND YOU'LL BE KICKED OUT OF THE ARMY!!!

I know, I know...pretty serious action there.

In the meantime...I plan on being more selective over who gets in the Army from here on out. I've always just added anyone who wanted their diary up there. As we all know by now...it's not REALLY an Army...it's just kinda a stupid little board that may help you get an extra hit or two a week...no big whoop.

I've also got addicted recently to Quoted which pulls some great quotes of the day out of Diaryland diaries and posts them.

The person who runs Quoted suggested that we don't link diaries that are password protected.

Good point.

What good does a link do you if it's password protected?

I'm not saying these diaries that are password protected suck...but these people do want a select audience reading their stuff, or it wouldn't be password protected, now would it?

So...I've started removing diaries out of the Army that are password protected. It's not doing either one of us any good to have you there.

Doesn't mean I don't love you anymore...I DO.

But it's kinda pointless to have you included if nobody can read your diary.

If you run across a diary in the Army that is password protected, lemme know. I'll remove it ASAP.

And finally...the rant yesterday about people linking me and not Anenigma and vice versa was a joke, people.

I was just amazed by the amount of links that we are both included on. Nine times out of ten, if you see one of us, you see the other.

And then I saw a few sites where it's her, but not me. Therefore, I tried to concoct a crazy little goofy rant against link pages, blah blah blah.

Sorry if I hurt anybody's feelings. It was a JOKE.

Link whoever you want. I link everybody who asks.

...Which...as we've now learned...is not the smartest thing in the world to do.

One person I'm DYING to link and who I think can be the heir to my cheap tin throne when I give this crap up for good in November is Gawain. This is one funny little bastard and he's only on his second entry, so it's still new enough for everyone to get hooked on.

Read him!!

The reason I won't link him is he is obviously too cool to be in the Army, plus he doesn't WANT to be linked. Plus...I'm not quite ready to give up this cheap tin crown.

Worship me, you insufferable bastards!!!!!

Oh yes...and you insufferable bitches as well ...

*************************************

Am I done ranting??

I think so.

Seems like I had one more thing to rant about though...

The Pope is a sissy boy??

No. That's not it.

If I remember it, I'll rant a little more. You're not off rant-free yet...

******************************************

I can't remember if I told y'all about my sister or not. I think I did, but I'm too lazy to go wade through all this shit we call my diary to find out if I did. So here goes.

My sister was offered to move into a brand new (one year old) home, fully furnished for as long as she wanted to live there. She wouldn't pay rent...just the taxes and utilities on the home, which would come to about $360 a month.

And no...she's not a high priced whore or someone's mistress.

...To the best of my knowledge anyway...

It was a little old lady's house who recently passed away. Her children, grown adults and good Christians, don't want to sell the house or rent it out. They wanted a nice good Christian person to move into it, and take good care of it.

Hence...believe it or not...my sister.

Sis went and checked the place out and loved it. She told them she had a cat but it had been declawed and was a docile house cat.

No problem. You can move in immediately.

My sis got out of the lease for her apartment and began boxing stuff up.

Then she gets a call from the son of the dead lady. He tells her he's changed his mind and doesn't want the cat in the house. So she needs to get rid of the cat and then she can move in.

My sis can't get rid of her cat. She loves her cat.

So...she grudgingly turned down the house.

Now she's MAD.

She got her lease back (luckily) and is unboxing stuff.

But jeez...this guy shouldn't have said "no problem" about the cat when it was a problem.

Sooooo...luckily I have a built-in Question of the Day today.

******************************************

Susie and I have to go out on the town tonight.

I agreed to review a new play here in town. Actually...it's not a new play...it's called "Godspell" and has been around for 30 years.

But my theatre reviewer has no interest in seeing the play, while my wife does, so I agreed to go and watch and review it.

It's at the Alabama Shakespeare Festival, which, to people outside Alabama, must sound really funny.

ROMEO: "Hey Juliet. Hey y'all. Where fore art the hell are ya, Juliet?"

JULIET: "Ah'm ovah heeyah, Romeo."

ROMEO: "Sheeeyit woman...yo ass sho' look fine!"

Actually...the plays there are really well done, if you're into plays.

I'm not. I can handle a skit. Not a play.

I like magazines. Not books.

I like TV. Not movies.

I like my entertainment in short doses ... nothing lengthy ...like this diary for instance.

So we're meeting some friends for dinner, and then jetting over to the theater.

It's Media Night, which means all local media get in free and then we all stand around and drink champagne in the lobby and hobnob with the regular peons of this world who don't have their faces plastered across television or the newspapers.

I always get the hell out of there as soon as I can. I'm fully capable of hobnobbing...I just prefer NOT to.

And yes....my picture runs twice in the paper every week.

And yes...we get complaints about my ugly mug every week.

***************************************

Sorry about the earlier rants...now that I'm more awake...I realize they're kinda stupid. But I just wanted to clear some things up.

Uncle Bob loves ya...even if you're just mildly fond of him.

***************************************

ELDERLY WALKING COUPLE CONVERSATION FROM YESTERDAY:

OLD WOMAN: "Hi!"

ME: "Good morning."

OLD MAN: "There's a dog loose a couple of blocks ahead...might wanna look out for it."

ME: "Okay."

***************************************

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