I'LL TELL YOU WHO SUCKS, BITCH...

Well, well, well...

It has been brought to my attention that there's a new diary out there in our vast Diaryland called Stop Sucking.

By the way, Stop Sucking ... enjoy that plug. It's the last one you get from me.

Apparently, I've become the very first diary to be torn apart by this humorless and pathetic imbecile.

What an honor ... yet ...

It seems yer ol' Uncle Bob sucks in this one person's eyes.

Correction ...this one EXTREMELY JEALOUS AND PETTY one person's eyes.

Apparently this punk has a diary out there that just wasn't chalking up the amount of hits that she wanted, so she decided it would be easier to get hits by trashing other people's diaries.

...Talk about immaturity...

Just for the hell of it, I wanna use this space to debate S.S. right here and right now. Some of the stuff she wrote is valid...other points are not.

unclebob

Arguably the most popular diary on diaryland, and yet it sucks.

That's ARGUABLY. I hate to think of mine as being the most popular diary on here. S.S. apparently thinks I am one of the more popular so I'll swallow that pill.

"I *can* see why people think he's funny, at times.

But mostly this diary strikes me as a detailed description of one middle-aged balding white man's obsession with sex and pornography, and I can't understand why that is interesting, to anyone."

Okay ... I've made no bones about it. Yep...I'm 38 and balding. You forgot to add "overweight" in there though, S.S. ... that hurts worse than middle-aged and balding.

I may have to go back and read some of my former entries, but I think I really only deal with sex maybe 10% of the time. Yeah...recently I wrote about my little botched threesome from years ago ... that could be considered sex. And yeah...I fell into the trap of writing about my sexual adventures early on, but I think I have moved away from that. And when I did deal with sex and porn, it was in a comical fashion ... not "Penthouse Forum" type of prose.

("Penthouse Forum" is dirty letters to Penthouse magazine. You probably didn't know that because you're a prude).

If you think MY diary is full of sex and porno...for God's sakes...go read Rayn's Diary. Yer eyes will pop out.

As far as she not being able to understand why sex and pornography is interesting....could it be S.S. is a sexually frustrated virgin??

"He seems like a total pig to me. His entries are peppered with mean or misogynistic comments about his wife. He makes very ha ha that's funny sexual innuendos towards many of the pre-and-newly-pubescent girls on diaryland.

Why they put up with this; why this amuses and enchants them, I have no idea. Perhaps they're at that age when they want to feel like adults, so the inappropriate comments of a lasicivious older man fufill that need for them."

My wife is a saint, punk. I've been with her for 14 years and plan on being with her for another 50. I pick on her because I love her and know that she can take it. She knows me inside and out. She met me when I was a SUCCESSFUL stand-up comic and I've never strayed since.

And as far as me making sexual innuendos towards prepubescent girls ... what the fuck is wrong with you? Name one girl...wait...I want ONE DAMNED PERSON --prepubescent or even adult -- to come forward with any sexual innuendos that I have made towards them personally or in general.

You won't get a single response. I'm a gentleman. Believe it or not, punk.

In fact ... I made it a point early on to try and limit my diary to those over 18 years of age by posting a disclaimer at the top of each page that would point out that my diary is not for the young. Then, I quickly realized (duh) that it was only drawing them in more and I stopped the disclaimer. I don't want to be the bad influence in young kid's lives. But there's a LOT of people here in Diaryland over the age of 18 as well. THAT'S who my diary is geared to, you sad fuck.

I'll be the first to admit...yeah, I cuss in here. It's a free world and Andrew is a nice enough guy to understand that and let us all communicate the way we want to.

Thank God for that. Or your shitty little wannabe diary would be zapped already.

"It's sad, to me. I guess he's a failed comic who probably blames his pregnant wife for the fact that he never achieved national fame."

I'm sorry I've saddened you. I'm sure you typed up your little mean-spirited diatribe that was just MEANT to make my day and heaved a heavy sigh.

Fuckin' asshole.

As far as failed comic...heh. I QUIT stand-up comedy on my own because of love. Yes...the same woman I'm still married to and love with all my heart and soul. That woman. I quit on my own free will. Nobody twisted my arm. The last time I did comedy in 1986, I opened for Sinbad. I was HARDLY failing in comedy.

I bet you've never had a relationship that lasted 14 years.

Hell...you're probably not even 14 yet. Punk.

"And now he gathers this "army" of other diarylanders around him. He benefits by getting to feel special, popular, thanks to all the people who want their links included on his page. It's an easy way for him to get people to like him. Plus, these people are all younger than him, so there's an aspect of gaining back his youth; having the popularity now that he lacked then. And all those people benefit, obviously, by having click-throughs from a very popular diary.

So everyone gets something.

Like I said, it's sad."

My God. I feel like my diary is making you cry because the whole situation is sad.

Obviously...this person is pissed because they've never been a part of my "Army".

Let me explain the Army, punk.

When I first started writing my "diary" here, I got an awful lot of encouragement from an awful lot of fine people. I was expecting to be run out of Diaryland on a rail, instead I had a LOT of people come forward to give me positive feedback.

And yeah...it made me feel good. If you quit being so bitter, maybe people might compliment you for once, punk.

Believe it or not ... I'm the type of person who will NOT go out of his way to hurt your feelings. I've stayed out of squabbles and I've NEVER said anything bad about another diarist unless it was a joke, and the other diarist knew it was a joke. I try to be nice to EVERYONE.

And this diary does NOT make me feel special. What makes me feel special is all the charity and community work I do for my city and various organizations. What makes me feel special is when a handicapped child thanks me for taking the time to do something so small that it means nothing to me but means everything in the world to them.

That's what makes me feel special. All this diary does is make me feel stressed each morning about 5 am. Nothing more.

So I made up this "Army" of everyone who had ever been nice to me in Diaryland. Each one of these people has written me or signed my guestbook and told me how much they enjoyed my diary.

To repay them, I threw up an "Army" list. It was a spur-of-the-moment whim...not some underhanded scheme to make myself ARGUABLY the most popular diary in Diaryland. I wasn't going to just throw up a list of five people that I like ... I didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings by leaving them out. So yeah...EVERYONE makes it into the army.

Shoot me.

And yes...I was an unpopular teenager. If you don't believe me, there's a little link at the bottom of this page that takes you to my 20 year-old diary where I even call it "Tale of An 18-Year-Old Loser".

I didn't know how to ask girls out, and my best friends were in the closet. But never, NEVER was I as bitter and sad as you, punk.

And trust me ... the accolades I get from writing this diary are precious to me. But I'm also popular outside this diary.

FINALLY...

"Unclebob is not a bad person. His diary would be great if he stopped being so hateful towards women and so inappropriate towards underaged girls. And if he stopped trying so hard to be popular and tough and funny.

There is a dark side to unclebob."

The only truth in this whole goddamned diatribe...I am NOT a bad person. And I GUARANTEE you, I do a helluva lot more for this community, Diaryland and this world than you will ever HOPE to accomplish. My goal with this diary is to put smiles on people's faces. That's all. I bust my ass to try and do that each and every morning at 5 a.m. It's called "dedication", punk.

And I think I've done a decent enough job making people smile.

There's too many diaries out there that are depressing and full of dread for me. That's why I decided to start my own ... kinda an "Anti-angst diary", if you will.

Hell, read this. I was ADAMANT about stressing to all the depressed teenage diarylanders that teenage life sucks and it DOES INDEED get better as you get older.

Hell, I even transformed my original website to the diary of "An 18-year-old loser" to show everyone that yeah...I was depressed at one time too. But dammit...hang in there...life WILL get better.

And finally...I don't HAVE to TRY to be popular, tough and funny.

I am popular. More popular than you will EVER be.

I'm tougher than shit.

And I'm a helluva lot funnier than your pathetic, nit-picking ass.

I've made an awful lot of friends in the Diaryland community. Regardless of what you say, I KNOW there are people all over this globe that appreciate what I'm doing here ... and that is to make them smile and perhaps feel a little better about themselves and life in general.

And you wanna tear all that up??

My advice to you ... give it a rest, punk. Nobody likes somebody that wants to belittle others here. You can take your shots at me ... that's fine...I'm a grown adult. There are no tears flowing down my cheeks. But there are a lot of fragile souls in Diaryland that may not be able to take your punishment as well as I did.

If you can get me as pissed off with your stupid little site (by the way...the name of the game is "Diaryland" not "Lets Trash Other Diariesland"), I can only imagine the damage you can do to others.

I'd worry about it some more, but something tells me you're just one of those pathetic fucks that is trying to find a niche here and "Stop Sucking" will dry up and blow away in less than a week.

Hell, I'll probably be your only entry.

Bottom line...you're sad...you're pathetic ... you obviously can't cut it with your little diary that nobody's reading so you thought you'd make a little headway with taking on ARGUABLY the most popular diarist on Diaryland and making a name for yourself.

Enjoy it while you can, punk. You've become my very first enemy in Diaryland.

I hope you're happy now.

You got your fucking plug, you punk ass bitch.

There's some of that misogyny you're so fond of.

P.S. If you don't like someone's diary...don't read it. That's the easiest way to get all that "sadness" out of your soul. There's no need to be a rude, insenstive, slanderous skank whore about it. I beg of you ....PLEASE don't ever visit my diary again. I don't want you in here smelling up the place.

P.S.S. You condom swallowing fuck, you.

P.S.S.S. If anyone in my "Army" as an opinion on this, please forward it to me and Stop Sucking. Thanks.