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09:13:40 - 2000-06-23

WHY KEEP YOU IN SUSPENSE ANY MORE?

*BIG SHIT EATING GRIN ALL THROUGHOUT THE ENTRY*

It's a boy.

(See above)

You know ...and this is truthfully honest here, since this is a diary and all ... but for the first three months and two weeks ... I really wanted a little girl.

Then I started thinking..."Man, I'd worry myself sick over a little girl."

I'd be one of those daddies who wouldn't want her dating until she was in her 30s.

...And with my looks...she probably wouldn't have had much choice anyway...

But then over the last two weeks, I've started thinking "It's a boy."

I told Susie "It's a boy."

As much as I wanted a girl...I could not IMAGINE us having a girl.

It just didn't seem in the cards.

So I told myself "It's a boy".

And I started thinking of all the cool things I could do with a boy.

Keep in mind...I'm not forcing ANYTHING on my kid. If it wants to play Little League...it plays. If not, it doesn't have to. If he doesn't want a hair cut...fine. But you're TAKING CARE of that hair...nothing nasty looking. I'm going to LISTEN TO and RESPECT my child.

I say all that. When it's here and pissing me off, it's probably going to be a totally different ballgame.

But I think I have the potential to be a cool dad.

I've always been the coolest uncle to my nephews and nieces. That's not even debatable. They've all told me this several times as I handed over armloads of toys and chocolates.

"You're the coolest Uncle, Uncle Bob!! Hey...got any Playboys laying around the house that you don't read??"

"August, 1988 okay with you, Timmy??"

I mean...I'm that kinda Uncle, bubba.

Well...I don't REALLY hand out porno. I just let my nephews surf the web unattended and walk IN on them surfing porno.

But I'm the Uncle that gave everyone their first sip of beer behind Mom's back.

I'm sorry...but you do that...you're automatically inducted into the Cool Uncle Hall of Fame.

It's kinda comical...because the beer was always Heineken...a rather stout beer.

It made every one of the kids SWEAR they were never going to drink beer again.

So it was a goodthing...right??

Anyway...jeez...LET'S GET BACK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND....

It's a boy.

And I'm ecstatic.

We go in for the ultrasound and with a roomful of people, we get whisked right back to the ultrasound room.

The nurse lady turns the machine on and starts running that camera all over Susie's tummy.

She points out two legs and a butt.

...And the kid had a three-piece chicken dinner between his legs ...

The lady grinned and looked at us and said "Do you see that?"

Good Lord lady...how could I NOT see it?? This kid's hung like a mule. He could come out of the womb and be an instant porn star.

...Apparently...she informed me ... I was staring at the umbilical cord ...

When she pointed out the penis, I realized my kid has a pecker as big as an eyelash. But it's there.

A real chip off the old block.

(When I called Mom, I told her my kid was hung like a mule. She said "He must take after his grandpa." Hardee har har, Mom.)

(My mom has turned into a big slut for Dad in their later years. It's some bizarre shit,lemme tell ya. Did I tell y'all they had sex on the kitchen table recently? My parents???)

We got a GREAT ultrasound done. I got some pictures of him, he's laying on his back and it's a side profile of him and it looks like he's coughing. His nose, lips and hand in front of his mouth are PERFECT. I'll get the pic scanned today and then if SOMEBODY out there (pwease, pwease, pwease) will put it up on the web for me, I'd just melt to show off the very first picture of my son.

...hint, hint, hint....

It really is a cool pic. It's one of the first ultrasound pics I've ever seen that really is clear.

Awww hell. I'm just saying that cos it's muh boy.

My boy.

Son.

"Son...get in here...I need to talk to you about your grades..."

"Son...go mow the yard."

"Son...go apologize to your mother right now."

...I can do this shit...

....piece of cake....

*BIG SHIT EATING GRIN*

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