current entry older entries message board contact
7:05 a.m. - 2005-01-27


I think I'm getting arthritis.

This is not anything I'm remotely proud of because I'm one of those people who associate arthritis with whiny old people.

And I am NOT a whiny old person.


If it is arthritis, then I think the next stop in my whimsical journey towards imminent death will be a colostomy bag.

And while a colostomy bag signifies loss of bowel control or laziness or whatever, I think having one would be fun.

I think that if I had a colostomy bag, I'd sit on the front porch constantly.

And when the neighbor kids came over to bug me, I'd just pull the hose outta my ass and start spraying them with my shit by squeezing the bag like it was a set of bagpipes.

Oh, the look on their shit-covered faces!

What a hoot!

So while I'm not exactly looking forward to spending the rest of my life with sore knuckles, spraying kids with shit sounds like a complete and utter blast.

Then when their parents come over to confront me for soaking their kids with aging feces, I can just bark "Back off Skipper or you'll get a face full of semi-digested corn!"

I will RULE the street with my colostomy bag!!

And sure ... while I'll be labelled the Crazy Shit Guy At The End Of The Street, it will all be worth it because it's all about the power that comes with the colostomy bag.

I think I'll even erect a hand-written sign in my front yard saying "Home Of King Shit ... Trespass At Your Own Discretion".

I need to ask some doctors today about hooking a brother man up with the bag.

I keep fighting the urge to write "I'm hungry" in this space because even though I AM hungry right now and my stomach is growling, I don't want anyone to think that writing about spraying kids with my feces is what made me hungry.

I mean, come on.

I'm not THAT sick.



Therefore, I'm going to put an end to this bitch right now so I can get something to eat.

And since I've given you people very little to comment on, I shall leave you with a question that you may feel free to answer on the comments page below.


Here it is.


(Let me put on my reading glasses here)

If you could ask any famous person either dead or alive one question, whom would you question and what would you ask? (Assume you would be given an honest answer.)

68 comments so far
The last one/The next one

NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem�
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

powered by

Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.


Read a random entry of mine.