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6:19 a.m. - 2006-02-24


I was doing a party Wednesday evening when I received a call on the cell phone.

Fortunately, I had a long song playing (Gap Band's "You Dropped A Bomb On Me" -- the 12" mix ... roughly 13 minutes of funk) and I stepped outside so I could hear whoever was on the other end.

It was a gal wanting me to DJ her wedding in June.

I'm all "Sure thing! I can do it!" without checking my schedule because I never tell people no unless it's the day of the event because if I tell them "no" on the day of the event, I'm losing the money anyway by not showing up so SCREW THEM! HAVE A HAPPY WEDDING RECEPTION WITH NO TUNES, YOU WHORE!!! YOU WHORE!! YOU DIRTY FILTHY WHORE!!!

...Actually I've never done that.

So I tell the gal sure, I can do her wedding on June 24th.

Last night I'm entering my latest bookings into the computer and I see that I'm already booked for the 24th.

Oh poop.

Now I've got to call this girl back and call her a dirty filthy whore, which she won't understand and then she'll probably cry or something which will make me feel like crap.


I pick it up.

(You think it's her, right? The bride, right?)


It's my buddy Andy, another DJ.

He goes through this long song and dance to tell me he's got three gigs booked on one night next month and needs help.

He's giving me the $500 gig, he's taking the $700 gig and we've got to find somebody to take the $350 gig.

Naturally, I think of this guy Steve who's good, reliable and energetic.

The same guy that I was planning on suggesting to the dirty filthy bride for her to call.

(God. My grammar is shit this morning. My bad.)

So I say "Let's give Steve the $350 gig" and my buddy Andy agrees.


I don't know why. Probably because I had Andy on the phone and I didn't have time to call Steve at that moment.

But I said "Are you booked June 24th? I'm double booked."

Andy jumps on it like a horny necrophiliac cat on a dead cat on the side of the road.

"Yeah! Yeah! Pencil me in! I'll do it!" he said.


I hang up the phone and then it hits me.

My buddy Andy is 59 years old.

He stopped buying new music in 1979.

His idea of "new music" is KC and the Sunshine Band.

And I have a feeling ... just a feeling ... that this bride is going to want something just a wee bit more current than Donna Summer.

I'm going to call the girl today and explain to her that I overbooked myself but I have a replacement for her. I would have called her last night, but I was already late getting to one of my cavalcade o' jobs that I have in order to keep my family in a nice, large home.

Actually, her choice of replacements.

I can either send her Steve, a young guy who's energetic but hasn't done many weddings.

Or Andy, who's done tons of weddings, but they were mostly for senior citizens getting married for tax purposes or some shit.

Take your pick baby, because the King of DJs is already booked.

If she goes with Steve, somehow I have to call Andy and say that his services won't be needed after all.

And while I'm a damned good liar when I have to be on this website, I'm not all that great when it comes to lying to friends in real life.

Soooooo ... wish me luck.

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