current entry older entries message board contact
7:41 a.m. - 2004-08-13

THERE'S A NEW MUSICAL SUPERSTAR IN TOWN

I read something online that said they've started playing Amber Frey's tapes in the Scott Peterson murder trial.

Apparently these tapes are just what the doctor ordered because the jury had a choreographed routine to Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Baby Got Back" that had the judge in stitches.

Yo Amber ... smart move bringing your tape collection to court. Way to lighten up a murder trial.


Sooooo ... New Jersey's governor has resigned because he's gay now and has to explore his new sexuality.

Actually, he's admitted he's known he was gay since he was a kid.

Apparently, he tried to lead a heterosexual life, marrying a couple of chicks and knockin' 'em up ... but the call of the dick was too loud to ignore and he dove head first into hairy ass and doesn't plan on resurfacing for air anytime soon.

Democratic colleagues are calling this move "brave and heroic".

Republicans are calling him a "fag" and planning a good ol' fashioned gay bashing.


Uh huh.

I said it.

Welcome to MYYYYY diary.


I finally got to live out one of my dreams yesterday.

"Watching New Jersey's governor admit he's gay?" you ask.

Nope.

I am now the official producer of an album.

There's this old black guy who comes out to the club on occasion ... he's probably in his late 60s.

He LOVES singing karaoke. And I'll admit, he's got a helluva voice for a rambling alcoholic.

So he approached me a few weeks ago to breathe his whiskey breath in my face and ask me if I'd be interested in helping him get a demo CD together.

I told him I could do it and that I charged $100/hour to do it.

He said that sounded fair and that we'd get together.

So yesterday we finally got together.

He was supposed to be at the "studio" (AKA the club's dancefloor) at 3 p.m.

He waltzed into the club at 3:55.

Now ... in MY eyes, that means I just made almost $100 waiting on him.

Right?

Yeah.

So anyway, he puts on his bifocals and starts belting out old R&B hits to the karaoke versions of the songs.

Yep.

This guy made a demo disc with karaoke music.

It's quite possibly the cheesiest demo disc ever recorded.

While we're recording, during the instrumental parts of the songs, he's babbling on and on about how he was friends with Nat King Cole and how he taught the Captain and Tenille everything they knew and shit like that.

Well ... it wasn't until I got home that I noticed all this smack-talking on the disc.

So now we're probably going to have to do it all over again.

Ugh.

Double ugh because the guy only wanted to pay me for the SECOND hour I spent there since "extenuating circumstances" kept him from getting there on time.

Yeah.

Apparently there was a rousing game of dominoes at the local liquor store and he had to bet some money on "Slim" the local dominoes champion or some shit.

I let him off the hook because I doubt he can cough up $100 for this disc anyway.

I'm holding the disc until he pays for it.

Something tells me I'm the new owner of a shitty disc.


The guy approached me after the "session" and asked if I'd be interested in doing "further business" with him.

I'm always up for getting my hopes raised for an incoming cash flow so I said sure.

He wants to shop this disc around to the local clubs and when he gets gigs, he wants me to be his "musical accompaniment".

Which means I have to go set up my whole system and let him sing karaoke in local clubs.

I explained to him that I charge $100 per hour with a minimum of four hours when I play in clubs.

So MY cut of the money is $400 for these gigs.

He said that wouldn't be a problem and that he'd charge $800 a gig and we'd split the money.

Okay.

While this city may be starved for musical entertainment, I can't see ANYBODY paying an old man with zero local reputation $800 to come sing karaoke for them.

I really wanted to ask him if he thought anyone would pay such a huge sum to watch a guy try to sing karaoke.

But I didn't.

I just nodded my head and said "sure". I'd be more than willing to jump on that gravy train.

This should prove to be most entertaining.

13 comments so far
The last one/The next one


NEW!!!Come and write some BAD EROTICA with the cool kids!

My Diaryland Trading Card
Now go write a Suck Ass Poem™
Write me a note here.
Read my notes here.
Hey! Take the Uncle Bob Quiz!
What the hell! May as well take the wildly popular Uncle Bob Second Quiz too!
Thanks Diaryland
Designed by Lisa


CURRENT - ARCHIVES - MESSAGES - EMAIL


Have you read these?

The End Of Uncle Bob - 12:28 p.m. , 2009-02-19

Losing Focus While Trying To Write A Blog Entry Is Cool. - 1:47 p.m. , 2008-12-04

Buck Up Junior, You Could Be Digging Ditches - 11:36 p.m. , 2008-10-31

That Sinking Feeling - 6:09 a.m. , 2008-10-28

Return Of The Karate Kid And His Slow Kitty-Lovin' Accomplice - 5:44 a.m. , 2008-10-22

Sign up for my Notify List and get email when I update!

email:
powered by
NotifyList.com

HEY YOU!
Click on the button below to order the book "Never Threaten To Eat Your Co-Workers: Best of Blogs" featuring Uncle Bob.
You WON'T be sorry.

DISCLAIMER


Read a random entry of mine.