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22:23:55 - 2000-03-03

SAY TOYBOAT THREE TIMES VERY FAST

Ahhhh....no tornados.

...Although...I did see my fifth grade math teacher, Mrs. Hickenbottom, flying through the air on her bicycle with my dog in her bike basket, cackling like a mad bitch.

When I was 15, we lived in Greece, and I couldn't speak the language that well. I could say "What are you looking at, masturbator??" in Greek. Also, "How much for your pussy?" Those are the only two greek phrases I remember. We would yell both out the school bus window at old ladies on the street who were waiting on a bus.

"POSO CANNA POOOOSIIIIII???"

Heh. GOD, those old women hated that ...Apparently, those were the two WORST things you could say to a authentic Greek person. Those bastards would get a little scary.

I'm sure the bus driver was really impressed. Probably went home cursing us American kids every night. Yeah ... I was a real ambassador at 15.

We used to LOVE to go into Greek shops (me and my friends) and say stuff like "I bet your asshole reeks, am I correct??" to the clerks in a real polite tone. And they would just kiss our ass, thinking we were being the sweetest little cherubs.

MY TEN FAVORITE PHRASES TO SAY TO A SALES CLERK IN GREECE WHO CAN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH

Number Ten: "Excuse me, but do you have an rotting condom falling out your ass? Because it sure smells like it in here."

Number Nine: "I bet your nipples are the size of pancakes."

Number Eight: "Would you mind giving me a healthy ass massage?"

Number Seven: "I'd like a souvlaki and you can suck me, okay??"

Number Six: "The name's Diggler. Dirk Diggler."

Number Five: "Please don't plug my ass, I'm a young anal virgin."

Number Four: "You smell like a bloated raccoon's anus."

Number Three: "You have your mother's mustache."

Number Two: "I bet your bush crawls all the way to your belly button."

...And the Number One Phrase To Say To A Sales Clerk in Greece Who Can't Speak Any English ...

Number One: "May I please shoot my pecker snot all over your tonsils?" ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you loved me, you'd leave me A MESSAGE .

If you want to read my diary from 1980 when UNCLE BOB was 18 and pitiful , CLICK HERE

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